In 1925 and again in 1946, Canadian Prime Minister Mackenzie King tried to get a national flag of Canada adopted, and failed. In 1964, Prime Minister Lester Pearson appointed a 15-member, all-party committee to come up with the design of a new flag for Canada. The inspiration for a red and white flag with a single maple leaf came from Dr. George Stanley, Dean of Arts at the Royal Military College in Kingston, Ontario.

In his speech at the national flag inauguration ceremony, Prime Minister Lester Pearson said: “Under this Flag may our youth find new inspiration for loyalty to Canada; for a patriotism based not on any mean or narrow nationalism, but on the deep and equal pride that all Canadians will feel for every part of this good land”.

This red and white flag honours Canadians from all cultures and ethnic backgrounds who through their courage and determination have contributed to building this great nation we call home. Although simple in design, Canada’s flag reflects common values such as freedom, peace, respect, justice and tolerance that we dearly share.

With pride we hold our flag high. Let us always be reminded how privileged we are to live in this magnificent country where we can pass down to our children great hope and a great future.

Show your pride in being Canadian
Join the Canadian Unity Travel Club

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Honourary Chaplain, Dominion Command, Royal Canadian Legion

Nous sommes ici pour nous souvenir et teamone. We remember the supreme sacrifice that so many Canadians made, and were ready to make, on land, in the air, at sea; the dead, the wounded, the survivors, the war widows - Anglophones, Francophones, natives, members of a wide range of ethnic and religious communities, we laud and applaud these heroic Canadians.

Today, we hear the welcome expression - We support our troops. But that does not tell it all. More than mere support, what should be on our lips and in our hearts is - we love our troops. Let’s say it together - We love our troops.

We love our troops because of their selflessness. We love our troops because of their unswerving love of Canada. We love our troops because of their bravery and their dignity in combat. And we love our troops because through them, we gain a more vivid, vital appreciation of all the veterans who fought, on behalf of Canada, for global freedom.

The act of remembrance is the imperative to express unrelenting thanks to our heroic veterans. We love our troops, we love and venerate our veterans, who fought for a world of peace and harmony.

That fight continues, and Canadian resolve is unabated. We yearn for the safe return of our troops to a tranquil, harmonious Canada.

As the troops fought and fight for freedom, ours is the supreme responsibility to give meaning to that freedom, by embracing the language of respect, the language of inclusion, the language of harmony - to thereby build gentle, caring communities wherein everyone feels welcome, at home and appreciated. That is the Canadian way.

We love our veterans and the freedom we enjoy thanks to them. We remember, with everlasting gratitude, by giving meaning and substance to that freedom. Let us together soldier on toward that goal. And may God bless our sacred partnership. Amen.

Our thanks to The Royal Canadian Legion, Dominion Command, Ottawa for providing us with this Remembrance Day Benediction.

CROSSES

Crosses are standing row after row. A silent reminder of men we don’t know. Men who have given up all of their lives. Men who left children and warm loving wives.

The long fearful wait then the tender goodbyes. The burden and sorrow, the look in their eyes. The brush of a hand cross the cheek of his girl. Then boarding the plane all at once in a whirl.

A strange country abroad with its sights and its smells. He thinks of his Canada and his heart nearly swells. Cause he’s brave and he’s strong and his hearts full of hope. With the war all around future plans help him cope.

He stands up for the good and the truth and the right. And he eats, dreams and sleeps with his gun in his sight. Reads letters from home again and again. His modest attempt to wash away pain.

This pain in his gut is not hunger or fear. But the loss of his innocence and all he holds dear. He looks at a photo all battered and torn. This face is the reason his heart feels forlorn.

In the pit of his soul is an ache he can’t mend. The news hits him hard of the death of a friend. The sickening feeling of loss only grows. As the fields keep filling with crosses in rows.

He puts on his helmet and picks up his gun. This battle for peace has only begun. If tomorrow will come he does not know. But crosses are standing, row after row.

Our thanks to The Royal Canadian Legion, Dominion Command, Ottawa for providing us with this Remembrance Day Poem.

“Congratulations Canada and Happy Birthday”

On July 1, 1867, the British North American Act united the British colonies of Upper Canada, Lower Canada, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia into ‘one dominion under the name of Canada.’ These four colonies became Canada’s first four provinces; Lower Canada was renamed Quebec and Upper Canada was renamed Ontario.

The July 1st holiday was known as Dominion Day until October 27, 1982, when an act of parliament established the name Canada Day. The new name symbolized a step away form Canada’s colonial past. The holiday had also sometimes been known as First of July or Confederation Day.

The name Canada derives from the Iroquoian word for “village”, kanata, that French explorers heard used to refer to the area near present-day Quebec City. Today, Canada comprises ten provinces and three territories.

The first inhabitants of Canada were native Indian peoples, primarily the Inuit (Eskimo). The Norse explorer Leif Eriksson probably reached the shores of Canada (Labrador or Nova Scotia) in 1000, but the history of the white man in the country actually began in 1497, when John Cabot, an Italian in the service of Henry VII of England, reached Newfoundland and Nova Scotia.

Canada was taken for France in 1534 by Jacques Cartier. The actual settlement of New France, as it was then called, began in 1604 at Port Royal in what is now Nova Scotia; in 1608, Quebec was founded. France’s colonization efforts were not very successful, but French explorers by the end of the 17th century had penetrated beyond the Great Lakes to the western prairies and south along the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

Meanwhile, the English Hudson’s Bay Company had been established in 1670. Because of the valuable fisheries and fur trade, a conflict developed between the French and English. In 1713, Newfoundland, Hudson Bay and Nova Scotia (Acadia) were lost to England. During the Seven Years’ War (1756-1763), England extended its conquest, and the Bristish general James Wolfe won his famous victory over General Louis Montcalm outside Quebec on September 13, 1759. The Treaty of Paris in 1763 gave England control.

At that time the population of Canada was almost entirely French (not North American Indian as some would want us to believe), but in the next few decades, thousands of British colonists emigrated to Canada from the British Isles and from the American colonies.

In 1849, the right of Canada to self-government was recognized. By the British North American Act of 1867, the Dominion of Canada was created through the confederation of Upper and Lower Canada, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick.

In 1869, Canada purchased from the Hudson’s Bay Company the vast middle west (Rupert’s Land) from which the provinces of Manitoba (1870), Alberta (1905), and Saskatchewan (1905) were later formed. In 1871, British Columbia joined the dominion, and in 1873, Prince Edward Island followed. The country was linked from coast to coast in 1885 by the Canadian Pacific Railway.

There was no such thing as a Canadian citizen until 1947 when the Canadian Citizenship Act was passed.

Today Canada has a population of 33,390,141 and we all consider ourselves Proud2bCanadian

We live together in a total area of 3,855,102 square miles or 9,984,670 square kilometers. We are a mosaic of many ethnic origins starting with the British Isles at 28%, French at 23%, other European at 15%, Indigenous Indian and Inuit at 2%. The ‘others’ category are mostly Asian, African, Arab at 6% and the balance from a mixed background at 26%.

The official languages of Canada are English 59.3% and French 23.2%. Other languages 17.5%.

“There is no greater gift to the unification of Canada than the hospitality and kindness of one Canadian to another”

Diane R. St. John

Happy Canada Day Everyone!

God Created Canada

On the sixth day God turned to Archangle Gabriel and said “Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall snow-capped majestic mountains and green fertile valleys, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout and oceans for catching cod and salmon. There will be miles and miles of golden wheat and barley fields and a forest region where elk, moose and bear wander”.

God continued “I shall make the land rich in oil and gas so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth”.

“But Lord,” asked Gabriel, “don’t you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?”. “Not really,” replied God, “just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them”.

You Know You’re From Northern Canada When . .

• You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup
• The mosquitoes have landing lights
• The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun
• You have more miles on your snowblower than your car
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper
• The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze
• You can play road hockey on skates
• On occasion, your house doubles as a wedding chapel
• You have 8 favorite recipes for moose preserves
• Winter driving is better; potholes are filled with snow
• The start of salmon fishing season is a national holiday
• You find -30C a little nippy
• You never had to ask where babies come from
• You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut and shave (men only)
• The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey coverage and the ‘Sunshine Girls.”
• Your beer can collection is considered a major tourist attraction in your hometown
• You spent more on your 4-wheeler roadster truck than your entire education
• You never realized you had a fear of heights until the day you made the mistake of peering down an open well
• You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends

You Know You’re From Saskatchewan When . .

• While cleaning out your teenage son’s closet, you’re alarmed to discover tucked away in the corner is a foot-high stack of ‘Western Producers’.
• Your pronunciation of “Saskatchewan” is down to 1 syllable: “Skatchw’n”
• Losing sight of the horizon for even a few seconds, leaves you with an ‘icky’ feeling of disorientation for the rest of the day
• When (if) the bank teller asks for some form of identification, you point to the arm patch on your slow-pitch jacket
• You rent off-season storage space for your snowmobile on a month-by-month basis
• You’ve been too drunk to finish a curling bonspeil
• The local car wash has a sign prohibiting people from using it to wash out manure or farm animal blood
• You think the stock market is a place to buy cattle or hogs
• You become quite emotional when some stranger to farming doesn’t know the difference between a farmer and a rancher
• You actually have enough farm caps to match every shirt you own, although you still insist on wearing only one so the others don’t get dirty
• There’s an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall
• You have flowers planted in a discarded toilet that is proudly displayed on your front lawn
• You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket
• Ethnic diversity in your hometown consists of the Asian family who owns the local restaurant
• You can expect the local businesses in town to be closed during fall hunting season with the exception of the beer parlour
• You’ve taken to learning Ukrainian dancing now that you know how to square dance
• Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife
• Driving is better in the winter because the road potholes are covered in with snow and ice
• You have driven off the road while examining your neighbour’s wheat and barley crops
• Directions to your house includes “turn off the paved road and drive until you’ve come to a fork in the road. .”
• You’ve been run off the road or had a close encounter with a large piece of farm equipment speeding in your direction
• You know what everybody’s vehicle looks like even through a cloud of dust on the rural back roads with the police in chase
• You have a green tattoo below the belt featuring your favorite farm machinery brand
• Your other vehicle is a Masse
• You get weird looks when you tell people where you’re from

You Might Be From British Columbia If . . .

• You know the provincial flower (mildew)
• Use the statement “sunny break” and know what it means
• You know more people who own boats than air conditioners
• You feel overdressed wearing a dress suit instead of shorts and sandals to a nice restaurant
• You stand at an amber traffic light in the rain waiting for the ‘Walk’ signal
• You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon
• You know how to pronounce Squamish, Osoyoos and Nanaimo
• You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean and Thai food
• You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho
• You cannot wait for a forecast “showers and sunny breaks”.
• You have no concept of humidity without precipitation
• You know that Dawson Creek is a B.C. town, not a T.V. show
• You comment “the mountain is out” when the sun is shining, there is blue sky and the mountains are clearly visible
• You switch to your sandals when it gets above 10 degrees Celsius, but keep the socks on
• You actually use your mountain bike on a mountain
• You measure distance in hours
• You often switch from ‘heat’ to ‘a/c’ in your car in the same day
• You are very secretive about Vancouver’s jewel known as nude beach
• You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists

You Know You’re From The Maritimes When . . .

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
• ‘Vacation’ means going to Moncton for the weekend
• You measure distance in hours
• You know several people who have hit a deer
• You often switch from ‘Heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day
• You use a down filled comforter in the summer
• You can drive 100 km through 30 centimeters of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching
• You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events
• You install security lights on both your house and garage and leave both unlocked
• You think of the major food groups as meat, fish and Tim Hortons
• You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
• Your lingerie consists of tube socks and flannel pajamas
• You recognize the seasons as almost winter, winter, still winter and construction
• You drive your truck through a metal detector . . . and it doesn’t go off
• You always know that Christmas is near because stores stay open LATE three nights a week

• You know you’re a Maritimer when people refer to you as an Islander

Inuit Chill

There were three Inuit drinking at a local bar and they got to thinking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They couldn’t agree on whose igloo was the coldest, so they left the bar to go find out.

They went to the first Inuit’s igloo, where he said, “Watch this!” He poured a cup of water into the air. The water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor in solid form.

“Not bad”, said the other Inuit, but each maintained their igloo was colder. They went to the second Inuit’s igloo and he said, “Watch this!”. He took a big breath, exhaled and his breath froze into a big solid lump of ice and fell to the floor. “Wow, that’s colder than mine!” says the first Inuit.

But the third Inuit believed his igloo was colder. So off they went to his igloo.

“Watch this!” he said. He went into his bedroom, threw back the thick fur blanket and retrieved one of several small balls of ice lying under the covers. He places one on a spoon, lit a match and held it under the spoon. When it heated up enough, the little ball of ice went “FFFAAAARRRRTTT”.

Lost American Couple

An American couple from Montana decided to go to Canada for their holidays one summer. They drove north across the border, stopped at a dinosaur park, then continued northeast. After driving for several hours over flatland, they realized they were lost.

Then suddenly came in view a cosmopolitan city with a flowing river running through it and several bridges. They pulled the car over to ask a pedestrian for directions. “Hey buddy, can you tell us where we are?”. The pedestrian smiled, and said “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan”, and went on his way.

The driver turned to his wife and said, “Well, we still don’t know where we are. He doesn’t even speak English”.

The Vancouver Blizzard

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional 1/4 centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the Lower Mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops.

Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver’s most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several people have been shocked to learn that their SUV’s actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras were flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.

“The government has to do something,” snarled an angry Trevor Brockton. “I didn’t pay $450,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto”.

Canadian Impostor Alert!

As a Canadian, you have to be extra vigilant, there are a lot of impostors out there. If you suspect that someone is falsely trying to pass themselves off as a Canadian, make the following statement and then carefully note their reaction.

“Last night I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. Damn sudden chinook melted the snow away. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a toque at the time. And the Mountie, he’s all over me and everything, calling me a “shit disturber” and what not. What could I say except, “Sorry, Eh!”.

If the people you are talking to nods sympathetically, they’re one of us. If however, they stare at you with a blank incomprehension, they are not a real Canadian. Have them reported to the authorities at once.

The Newest Hockey Player

Toronto coach Pat Quinn sends scouts out around the world looking for a new centre to hopefully help win the Stanley Cup for Toronto.

One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi centre who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So, Pat flies to Iraq to watch him play and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the NHL.

Two weeks later, Toronto is down 4-0 at home against Montreal with only 8 minutes left. Pat gives the young Iraqi centre the nod to go on, putting him in place of Mats Sundin.

The lad is a sensation. Scores 5 goals in 8 minutes and wins the game for Toronto. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are also thrilled with his performance and the media love the new star.

When he comes off the ice, he phones his mom to tell her about his first day in the NHL. “Hi mom, guess what?” he says. “I played 8 minutes today, we were down 4-0 but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me; the fans, the players and coaches and the media. They all love me”.

“Great”, says his mom, “let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you are having a great time”.

The young lad is very upset. “What can I say, mom, I’m so sorry”.

“Sorry!” says his mom, “It’s your damned fault that we moved to Toronto in the first place!!”.

Ticket Please

Three British friends and three Canadian buddies board Via Rail for a trip across the country. The Brits go to buy their tickets, one for each of them. Then the Canadians go to buy their tickets, and they buy only one for the three of them. The Brits noticed this and say to them, “You blocs are so dumb! You’re gonna get kicked off the train”. But the Canadians just laughed off this notion and replied to them, “Wait and see . . .”

So as soon as they got on the train, the British boys take their seats, but the Canadians cram themselves into one bathroom stall. A few minutes after the train starts moving, the ticket man comes around, took the Brits tickets, then knocked on the door of the bathroom stall. “Ticket please!” he said. One of the Canadians stick a hand out from under the stall and turn over their ticket. When the ticket collector was out of sight, the Canadians came out of the bathroom. “Wow!” the three Brits say to them, “That’s pretty clever! We’re going to try that tomorrow.”

The next day when they were about to get onto the train, the Brits buy one ticket for the three of them, and the Canadians don’t buy any tickets at all. “What the h%## are you doing?” asked their British travelling companions. “They’re gonna kick you off the train if you don’t buy any ticket at all”. The Canadians calmly turned to the Brits and said, “Wait and see . . .”

As soon as everyone had boarded the train, the three Brits all cram themselves into one bathroom stall, and the Canadians in another. Once the train started moving, one of the Canadians crawls out of their stall and creeps over to the Brit’s stall. He briskly knocks on the bathroom stall door, and says “Ticket please”.

Now That’s Not Very Canadian!

Sitting together on a train and travelling through the Canadian Rockies were an American guy, a Canadian guy, an elderly little Greek lady and a young blond girl with enormous breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blond in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The blond girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady instead and she slapped his cheek. The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blond in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The Canadian thinks: I can’t wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again.

Mounties With Big Feet

A women went into a bar in Calgary and saw a Mountie with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she’d ever seen. She asked him if it was true what they say about men with big feet.

The Mountie grinned and said, “Sure is, little lady. Why don’t you come over to the barracks and let me prove it to you?”. The women wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, the Mountie said, “Well thanks, ma’am. I’m really flattered, nobody ever paid me for my services before”.

“Don’t be flattered . . . take the money and buy yourself boots that fit”.

Every Quarter Counts

A dad walks into a food market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes his son has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking and shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive but serious looking women in a tailored business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the morning paper and places it on the counter. She gets up from her seat and makes her way unhurried across the food market.

Reaching the boy, the women carefully takes hold of the boy’s private parts and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then even more firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the women deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the women hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he was sure his son was suffering no ill effects, the father rushes over to the women and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anyone retrieve money quite that way. You were fantastic. Are you a doctor?”.

“No,” the women replies. “I work for Revenue Canada.

Saskatchewan Roughrider Fans

Grey Cup 2007 and the day Hell froze over.

Two guys from Saskatchewan die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops into check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you”? The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh?”

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns the heat up. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”

Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told ya yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh?”

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling bacon and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves”. The two Canadians reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Saskatoon so we’ve just got to have a cook-out when the weather’s this nice.”

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. So the devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan, and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians. He gets there and finds the two Saskatchewan guys back dressed in their parkas, toques, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, “I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold and you’re still happy. What is up with you two???”

The two guys from Saskatchewan look at the devil in surprise, “Well, don’t you know, eh?. If hell freezes over, it must mean the Roughriders have won the Grey Cup.”

Small Town Alberta

One dark night outside a small town in rural Alberta, a fire started inside the local sausage plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames.

The alarm went out to all the fire departments from miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved and I’ll give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company’s secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Mundare Rural Township Volunteer Fire Department, composed mainly of Ukrainian men over the age of 65.

To everyone’s amazement, the little rundown fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer, sleeker engines parked outside the plant . . . and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never before witnessed in the area. Within a short time, the Mundare Ukrainians had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly Ukrainian firefighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Vell”, said Surgo Sputski, the 70 year old fire chief, ‘da furst ting ve gonna do is feex da brakes on dat focking truck!!!”.

A Little Christian Humour

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, “THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: “It’s gone! It’s all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait!” he screamed. “That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don’t have any?”

God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES

Noah in Canada 2007

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Canada and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have six months to build the Ark and then I will begin the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.” God realized that it sometimes rains for more than forty consecutive days and nights in British Columbia and told Noah that he should consider building his Ark in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah in his yard weeping uncontrolled tears. There was no Ark. “Noah!” he roared from the heavens above, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”.

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I’ve violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then Hydro demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to open waters. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convence the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my construction crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Revenue Canada seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So forgive me Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No”, said the Lord. “The previous Canadian Liberal Government beat me to it.”

Coal Miners Painting

Leave it to a Cape Breton to set the story straight . . .

An older couple at an art exhibition were staring at a painting that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three well hung black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

They asked the curator of the gallery for an interpretation. He explained how the painting represented the sexual emasculation of African Canadians in a predominately white, patriarchal society. In fact, he pointed out some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.

After the curator left, a man with a noticeable Maritime accent and a large Tim Horton’s coffee approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really all about?”

The couple looked at the man with some degree of suspicion . . . “How and why,” asked the couple, “could you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of this gallery?”

“Because I’m the guy who painted it”, he replied. “In fact, there’s no African Canadian shown here at all. They’re just three Cape Breton coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch”.

Immigrant Math Test

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test.

“Here is your first question”, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9″. “Without numbers?” the Cajun says, “Dat is easy”. And he proceeds to draw three trees.

“What’s this?” the boss asks. “Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.

“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.” The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere you go”.

The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”. “Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.” replies the Cajun.

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.” The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”

The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!” The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.”

“So, when I start?”

Lost in Nova Scotia

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-aack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?” Would you please pronounce where we are . . . >>ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?”

The blond waitress leans over the counter and says, “Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttoooonnns”

Here’s a story!

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, “Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a cute 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. “I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting and was in a bit of a hurry. He accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun”.

“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge. He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang.”

“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.” “Now what do you think of that?” asked the doctor. The 80-year-old said, “If you ask me, I’d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”

Old Love

A husband is trying to fly a kite in his back yard. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need a piece of tail.”

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, “Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.”

Canadian multiculturalism is fundamental to our belief that all citizens are equal. In 1988, Bill C-93 was passed as the Canadian Multiculturalism Act and became the first formal legislative vehicle for Canada’s multicultural policy. This policy was aimed at creating a society in which all citizens, regardless of their racial, ethnic or religious background, have an equal voice and share the opportunity to participate fully in our society.

Not all Canadians supported multiculturalism. We were regularly reminded in English-speaking Canada, some worried that recognizing multiculturalism as a distinguishing feature of our society might divide Canadians rather than unite them; that we might loose our distinctive rich British heritage. And in Quebec, many protested that multiculturalism would undermine Quebec nationalism. But today, a full 80 percent of Canadians say that multiculturalism enhances the value of Canadian citizenship, and roughly an equal number say they are proud that we are a multicultural country.

Travel Canada and you will soon realize that Canada’s mosaic communities are made up of many colours, race, languages, ethnic origins and citizenship. The one thing we have in common is our commitment to democracy, equality and mutual respect.

Canadian Multiculturalism Day is an opportunity to celebrate our cultural diversity and to get to know our neighbours. At Canadian Cultural Connection we say “There is no greater gift to the unification of Canada than the hospitality and kindness of one Canadian to another”.

Show your pride in being Canadian
Join the Canadian Unity Travel Club

www.canadianunitytravelclub.ca
info@canadianunitytravelclub.ca

A Celebration of Immigrant Women And Their Cooking

The following collection of cherished recipes was shared by a diverse group of immigrant women and published in a very attractive book Tasting Diversity. It was provided to me by the Working Women Community Centre. Order your copy by contacting them at 416 532-2824 Toronto.

“Immigrant women in our country have often faced greater challenges than most; yet with focused determination, the support of others, and by following their own hearts, they have succeeded personally and professionally. It is an honour to meet them through this book and share in their eye-opening and heart-warming stories . . . and their favourite meals are heart-warming too!” Marcie Ponte, Executive Director, Working Women Community Centre.

This is a tribute to the immigrant women of diverse cultural backgrounds living in our community. I hope that all Canadian women will enjoy preparing these most cherished and delicious recipes offered by these immigrant women. Please send me your comments and even include your own favorite family dish.

Senator Vivienne Poy first came to Canada on a student visa in 1959 from her native Hong Kong. Throughout the years, and the many twists and turns of her career, Vivienne has remained active in the community, serving on the boards of a number of cultural organizations and educational institutions. In 1996, Vivienne was the recipient of an International Women’s Day Award.

Vegetable Beef Shank

11/2 lbs./750 g beef shank, cut in 1-inch/2.5-cm cubes

vegetable oil for frying

2 large Spanish onions, cut up in large pieces

1 medium ginger root, cut in large chunks

3 large cloves garlic, crushed

4 Tbsp./50 mL dark soy sauce

3 cups/750 mL white wine

10 carrots, peeled and cut in large chunks

8 medium red-skinned potatoes, cut in large chunks

5 stalks celery, cut in large chunks

6 bay leaves

salt and pepper to taste

2 Tbsp./25 mL cornstarch

Prepare the oven to 350F/180C. In a large ovenproof casserole, saute the beef shank on high heat in vegetable oil with onions and ginger root. When the beef has browned, add crushed garlic, soy sauce, and white wine. Add the carrots, potatoes and celery. Add water so that liquid is 11/2 inches/4 cm from the top edge of the casserole. Add the bay leaves and salt and pepper to taste. Cover the casserole and place in over for approximately 3 hours, or until meat is tender. Check frequently and add water if necessary. When cooking has finished, mix the cornstarch in 1 cup/250 mL water and stir into the casserole to thicken the juice.

Serve with crusty bread.

Gail Misra moved to Canada at the age of 15 from Karachi, Pakistan. There were many tough adjustments, but the women of Gail’s family are strong. After her father died within a year of arriving in Canada, she postponed plans for higher education for five years to work in clerical jobs that helped to support her family. Gail sums up her wisdom with an analogy of her garden: “It’s like life. It’s absolutely a matter of trial and error and learning as you go.”

Vegetable Pakoras

1 cup/250 mL chickpea flour

a pinch of baking powder

1/2 tsp./2 mL salt

1/4 tsp./1 mL red chili powder

1 small eggplant (Chinese type), sliced thinly

1 cup/250 mL vegetable oil

1 onion, sliced

1 cup/250 mL spinach, washed and patted dry

tamarind sauce* for dipping

To make the batter, mix the chickpea flour, baking powder, salt and red chili powder. Mix in enough cold water to form a thick paste.

Heat the oil in a deep pan (or use a deep fryer) until it is hot. To check if the oil is hot enough, place a drop of butter into the oil and it should start to brown. Dip the pieces of eggplant into the batter and place in batches in the oil. Fry until golden all over, about 1 or 2 minutes per side, and then remove and place on a paper towel to drain.

Mix the onion and spinach into the remaining batter and then fry by dropping tablespoonfuls of the mixture into the oil. Fry the items in batches.

Serve hot with an accompanying small bowl of tamarind sauce for dipping.

Note: Tamarind sauce is available at Indian grocery stores and some large grocery stores.

Elvira Sanchez de Maliciki was born in the Ecuadorian coastal city of Guayaquil and came to Canada at the age of 14 to study. As a passionate advocate of Canada’s rich cultural diversity, Elvira established the Canadian Hispanic Congress in 1980, a multinational organization representing the more than 700,000 Spanish-speaking peoples from over twenty countries who now make Canada their home. Currently Elvira is working toward the recognition of immigrants’ professional and technical credentials, and to encourage Latin Americans to participate in Canadian politics.

Green Plantain Patties (empanadas de verde)

4 green plantains

salt to taste

1/2 lb./250 g ground beef or chicken

1/2 onion, diced

1 carrot, diced

1 Tbsp./15 mL chopped fresh parsley

1/2 lb./ 250 g cooked peas

1 hard-boiled egg, dices

oil as needed

Boil the plantains in salted water until they are soft. Remove them from the heat and mash them one by one while they are still very hot. Add the salt and continue to mash them until they become a soft dough. Put the dough in a moderate oven to keep warm.

In a skillet add some oil and fry beef or chicken, onion, and carrot over medium heat until cooked. Add the parsley, peas and hard-boiled egg to the meat mixture and cook until the meat is done.

With the plantain dough still hot, place dough on waxed paper and flatten with a rolling pin. Cut out round shapes, fill the centers with some of the meat mixture and fold in half and seal. In a deep fryer or large pot, heat some oil. Deep-fry in the hot oil for a few minutes. Remove from oil and place the empanadas on paper towels to absorb excess oil.

You can make “Cheese Empanadas de Verde” by replacing the meat mixture with mozzarella or feta cheese. Form the patties with the plantain and add the cheese to the center and use the same method to fry.

Serve hot.

Once a week an enthusiastic group of 25 women come together to Cook and Talk, share recipes and prepare traditional dishes. Since 1997 these ladies of the Working Women Community Centre have offered the comfort of a traditional meal to visiting African women who also have an appetite for life. “Back in Africa, everyone participates in the cooking, and we talk while we are cooking,” says one participant.

Stewed Beans with Plantains

BEANS

2 cups/500 mL dried black-eyed peas

3 Tbsp./45 mL vegetable oil

2 large onions, chopped

one 28-oz./796-mL can diced tomatoes

1 small fresh red chili, finely chopped or 1/4 tsp./1 mL dried red chili flakes

1/4 tsp./1 mL curry powder

pinch of ground cloves

2 tsp./10 mL salt

1/2 cube vegetable, fish or beef bouillon

The night before, rinse the beans thoroughly and pick through, discarding any stones or twigs. Soak overnight in cold water. Drain. Place in a large saucepan and cover with plenty of cold water. Bring to a boil, turn off heat and let stand for 1 hour. Drain. Cover the beans with fresh cold water, about 8 cups/2 litres. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for about 40 minutes or until the beans are soft but not mushy. Drain. Transfer beans to a large bowl. In the same saucepan, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring for about 5 minutes or until golden. Add the tomatoes, chili powder, cloves, salt and the bouillon cube. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes or until thickened slightly. Stir in the cooked beans. Simmer over low heat for about 15 minutes.

PLANTAINS

4 plantains (2 lbs./1 kg), ripe and softened

3 cups/750 mL water

2 tsp./10 mL salt

2 cups/500 mL oil for deep frying

Peel the plantains and slice on a very sharp diagonal to make long oval strips. In a large bowl, combine the water and salt. Add the plantain slices, stirring to separate (this will remove stickiness and separate the slices). Drain; pat dry. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. When hot, add one-third of the plantain slices. Fry for about 4 minutes on each side or until golden-brown. Repeat with remaining slices. Drain on paper towels. Serve the bean stew garnished with the fried plantain slices.

Note: Traditionally, the beans are also served with fried or canned fish.